Park City / XTERRA Nationals Invite / SKIN STRONG

If you have never had the opportunity to experience riding in Park City, you should. It is gorgeous!

I have never been there to ride or ski, I have only gone for the vast amount of outlet malls that they have...yes I like to shop, sometimes. The city is beautiful and quaint, but just wait until you get up into the mountains.

The trails were unlike any that I have ever ridden, always changing but always interesting. There would be once section of a dirt climb and then a section of twisting technical root section through aspen forests. It constantly left me guessing, but never left me bored.

The base of the city sits at 7,200 ft which means that there is no way but up! The highest elevation that we climbed to was around 8,600 ft. Being up that high was painful, my teeth were aching, lungs were burning, and head was spinning. I felt like I was riding no where. But it was so fun regardless!

Barry had flown all the way out from AR for business so it was his idea that we put this ride together. I went with him and a few of his co-workers. Our guide was great. He even snapped a chain in the first half-mile. I crashed a few times and hit a tree or two (head was not harmed in debacles, ha). Barry endo-ed off the side of the mountain. Funniest thing to watch, I can only say that because he was okay and laughing about it. Glad I got it on camera. We all had a great ride/day and celebrated with a post-ride beer, well the boys did. I celebrated with my water bottle.

I received my invitation to the XTERRA National Championships yesterday. I definitely did not expect or see that coming. I was planning on ending my race season early this year and focusing on the weaknesses for next year. I hope everything works out so that I can go. That would be so great! Looks like I better get back to a rigid training plan. I've been a little lax in sessions and in eating...eek now that's a topic that needs some work, especially since I've been on vacation. Starting over today. T- 65 days until race day. Plenty of time to get ready to avenge that scar!

OH! I can't believe I forgot to mention in my previous post (sometimes I forget to put my FB posts into my blog posts). I wanna give a shout-out to SKIN STRONG. It is the coolest company headed up by some even cooler people. They sent me a care package while in Utah (because I ran out of shammy cream on my way here), not only did they send me slather, but they included their new sunscreen line and a new t-shirt. How awesome is that! Their product saves me everyday and every time I get on that beloved bike of mine. I don't know what I'd do out here if they hadn't have sent me that package. Thanks SKIN STRONG for lookin' out! Check out their website HERE.

Once Upon a Mountain Top

Once upon a mountain top is where I first discovered the beauty of this place, discovered my love for the mountains, and discovered my love for being out West. If you would have told me two years ago that a trip to Ironman camp and a first-time visit to Utah would change my life forever I probably would’ve scoffed at you then laughed it off.

It never ceases to amaze me the beauty in which I am encapsulated by. I have mentioned it time and time again in previous posts, in conversations, in picture form, but the mountains with their beauty and magnitude never seem to get old or lose their allure. I love to ride in the mountains, the fresh breeze, the climbs, the descents, and the breathtaking views.

Utah has become a magical place for me. It’s the landscape, the people, the feeling of freedom that I have when I am here. No matter what is going on in my life, it just disappears when I am here. Perhaps it’s the lower oxygen content. Ha.

The people, what an awesome group of friends that I have here. Friends of different backgrounds, religions, and beliefs, but out here it does not matter. I am accepted as one of the group, that girl from AR (which I love); no matter what my world or religious views may be. These friendships are real, picked up right where we left them months prior, like a beat was never skipped. I fall right back into my routine here, right alongside my Utah family.

This place is where I am at my happiest.

This trip so far has been amazing (I wish I had a better word, I feel as if amazing just doesn’t quite fit the bill). I came here with no intentions, no plans, and no aspirations other than to ride my bike. Boy, has this trip totally lived up to the dream.

The first day I drove to Laramie, Wyoming where I stayed the night and then got up and rode the next morning. Absolutely. Gorgeous. It was the most beautiful place that I have ever ridden, aspens and pine trees lining the trail, 8,500 ft. It was a great way to start the morning. After my ride I loaded up the car and continued onward to Utah. What an awesome welcome I received when I got here. Lizz’s family, and then Monday morning at the gym. It was so great to see everyone again!

I have been doing GPP (General Physical Preparedness; HERE) while I have been here, if you have never tried it you should. It is the coolest thing since sliced bread. Kick-butt, hardcore workouts that will have your body on FIRE in five minutes or less. I love GPP. I have been doing their workouts for almost two years (off and on; I kind of get a little lazy sometimes ha) but whenever I get back into the swing of things it doesn’t take long for me to start seeing subtle changes in my physique.

My riding has been right on par. I’ve been riding up at Snowbasin, doing mountain repeats, fun-riding, and just enjoying life. The altitude definitely hasn’t had as profound of an effect on me as it did when I was living out here last summer, thank goodness.

Curry flew up to visit from LA this week. How great it was to see her! I can’t believe we let a year and a half slip by. Our days were filled with swimming, training, eating, and much talking. The group had a “Welcome Back” dinner for the both of us. It was so fun and the food was fantastic. Thank goodness I’m training a lot because I sure have been eating a lot too. Ha.

Today was spent up at Echo Reservoir at an open water swim clinic. It’s crazy what going up just another thousand feet or so will do to you. My ears were aching, my lungs felt like they were bleeding, and I couldn’t stop coughing. Besides that it was fun. While the others were out biking and running the course I hung out with Kenzie and her kids and talked life. I love getting to catch up on the day-to-day lives of people.

Tonight was spent with Amy and her three beautiful girls. Movie and then acrobatics in the park was the perfect way to end the day. I love that family. I love all my Utah friends. I feel so at home here, so alive, and so free.

Tomorrow is a fun-ride up at Snowbasin with Kris & Chris. Tuesday, Barry is coming out from AR for work so we are going to ride (EXPERT LEVEL) in Park City. There will be another blog post after that, granted if I don’t die on this ride.

I’ve had a great trip so far and can’t wait to see what great things are in store for the upcoming days. Perhaps a trip to ride in Moab. Maybe a spur of the moment trip to LA. I have no plans, just enjoying the ride, literally.

A Step in a General Direction

Another sleepless night has got me thinking. With thinking comes thoughts. With all those thoughts comes yet another blog. Ha.

 I had this all planned out in my head what I wanted to say. It flowed perfectly from line to line, and now that I have sat down to ultimately write this the thoughts have quickly evaporated.

I’ve started to notice something about myself. I should never under any circumstance speak when I am angry or frustrated or before I have truly thought about the words that are getting ready to flow out of my mouth. I am an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, even though I try very hard to hide it, there’s no point because it is there. I get my feelings hurt easily, I live in the past, I complain a little too much, I over think things, and I have been WAY negative lately. Frankly I am getting sick of listening to myself.

There are some things that need some fixing in my life. No I’m not talking about my constant rambling or the fact that I do have emotions, I’m talking about how I express and interpret those emotions. How I go about my daily life and my interactions with others. How I hold myself and ultimately the person I am hoping to become.

I’ll save the philosophical nonsense for someone who knows what they are talking about. There is no point in speculation anymore. I know what my problem is and I know how to fix it. End of story.

In case you haven’t noticed but with my prior blog posts I have been a little mad, frustrated, sad, overwhelmed with life lately. Changes in schools, hometowns, friends have brought on these emotions and I have gladly or willingly let them in. Instead of attempting to embrace and make the best of my new situation I have…not.

I am a creature of habit. So by default major life changes bring out a weird side of me. I become reclusive and kind of down. Okay, there really is no kind of about it. Yes, I know it is time to get over that I suppose. I’m working on it. Working on letting people into my life, letting them see who I am. I feel like anytime I meet new people I somehow end up living in the past more than I ever wanted or intended. I’m so scared of forming new relationships with people, scared that these relationships will get broken and then all of the time that was invested was somehow wasted…Oh wait. There I go again with living in the past and emotional baggage. I need to stop that.

Another thing that I have been lately is negative. I’m not talking here and there, I mean totally down on myself, good-for-nothing talk, like my life is meaningless. I need to snap out of this and if that means that I have to ramble to a computer screen every day to do that, then so be it. I need to work on the being positive thing. I made a comment to a friend “I wish you knew me when I was happy, man I was great.” Ha, that’s ridiculous. Why am I not great now?   The only thing that is standing between me and happiness right now is myself. I need to learn to embrace life a little more and “roll with the punches.”

The things that I am dealing with in life right now are only minor blimps on the map or bumps on the road. I don’t know, some saying like that. I think you get the point. I was letting them define me, letting them take away my happiness, letting them rob me of an experience. No amount of crying or complaining will change the situation that I am in, so I need to work with it and not against it. This class debacle is a set-back. At the moment it seems like a major, education-in-jeopardy kind of a set-back, but nonetheless I’ll figure out a way to come out on top. I always do, somehow.  I’ll learn how to learn differently and then I’ll come at this class with a different plan of attack.

Thanks to the few friends who gave me the swift kick in the ass/pep-talk that I needed. You know who you are.

A Feeling of Failure

I feel as if my world is closing in around me and it is all that I can do to barely stay to the point that I don’t get crushed beneath it. I feel completely unlike the person who I used to be. Happy, outgoing, and SMART. The last one being the thing that I was most proud of. I was never good at sports, decent, never great. That gene, my brother inherited, not me. But school was my thing. I loved everything about it. The ability to learn more. Studying for exams and getting good grades was something that I lived for. Towards the end of my undergraduate degree I began to lose that love for everything but science. Science was the only thing that I wanted to spend my time on. Being in the lab was my sanctuary. I skipped hanging out with friends, I missed meals, I delayed weekend trips home so that I could work on project s in the lab. I wanted more of that, so grad school was my answer, or so I thought. I’ll skip the sappy details of a hiatus to Utah, the postponement of grad school, and all the steps that ultimately got me to where I sit, sobbing, at this very moment, right here at Missouri State University.

Why I decided to come back to undergrad is but a faint and distant memory and it is one that I am beginning to regret every day. I live in what seems to be a great town, with some great people, and a great atmosphere. I have no idea why I am here or what I am doing anymore. To be honest, I feel as if I am merely wasting my time and my family’s money being up here. I suppose you are wondering where this is coming from. These weirdo emotions that I am pouring out to this computer screen. I am struggling in a class that I love. A class that I find to be so fascinating, that I had hoped to one day earn a PhD in. Physiology. I absolutely from the bottom of my soul love this class, but for the life of me cannot do well on an exam. I study and question everything in an attempt to understand it even further, but I am doing something wrong. I know it is not the end of the world, or so I have been told, but boy it sure does feel like it is. What do you do when the only thing that you were certain of in yourself is slowly slipping from your grasp?

It makes me so nervous for graduate school. When applying to graduate school all they see is a piece of paper with a name and a birth date, some test scores, and my college grades. Where is the column that says I did this many extracurricular activities? Or I studied this many hours in an attempt for this class? I have an awesome personality and love people? To them, I am merely a piece of paper with subsequent numbers after my name. I can kiss my chance at an acceptance letter goodbye.

I do wish that I could say that moving up to Springfield was mostly positive, but unfortunately that would be a lie. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some FANTASTIC people during my time here. But the bad has outweighed the good. I am never in my life felt as alone as I do here. There is no one to talk to or to spend time with. It's myself and the library, which is where most of my time is spent. Thank goodness I have my training to keep me occupied a lot of the time. I come home to an empty house, muddle around before boredom eventually sets in and then I go to bed. What a fantastic life that I am leading. One that will one day ultimately go unnoticed and wasted. I begin to question why I am even here, not just in Springfield, but on this earth. I at one point in my life believed that I had been put here to make a difference in the lives of others, but right now I am not so sure. I suppose if I can make their day brighter with a fake smile that I put on to cover up my pain, then my mission has been accomplished.

This post sounds very negative, probably because as I am writing it I am very angry and upset. I am disappointed in myself and mentally and emotionally beat-down. I hold myself to higher standards than the ones that I have been producing and that further upsets me. I can take this as a learning experience and grow from it…later. But for now, I will cry and mourn over my performance and sleep away my sorrows. Tomorrow is a new day and it can only go up from here, I think.

XTERRA Eureka Springs

I remember blogging about this race last year. I remember the weeks leading up to it. The training, the preparation, and my freak-out/melt-down just days before. I was so worried that I couldn't do it. That I couldn't perform quite like I had in training...maybe that I would let my friends and family down, or worse let myself down. This year was no different. The week leading up to it was exactly the same. It was almost as if it were scripted from last year's edition. Late-night sobbing and the self-doubt that I had allowed to creep into my mind. Where had this come from? My training was on schedule, perhaps started a little later than ideal, but nonetheless on track. I was feeling good and even sleeping GREAT. That monster of "self-doubt" that I had allowed to get into my mind was beginning to destroy me, if I would let him.

Thank goodness for an awesome coach and amazing friends who were able to put me in my place. "Smile and have fun" and "pretend you're doing a brick with 130 of your closest friends" were the thoughts that kept running through my head. I went from a ball of jitters and anxiety to calm and relaxed.

I slept exceptionally well, given the circumstances and race morning was a blast. Not too many nerves. Seeing old friends and having my little niece and nephews to help me set up my bike definitely calmed me. I decided to take the swim slower than normal, not to push it. I hadn't been in the pool in over two weeks (MSU had it shut down for summer break). Caught up to the men's group and still somehow managed to come out of the water in 3rd place with a time of 16:49. (Like I said...I took it slow). I was in and out of T1 rather quickly.

They say NEVER to try new things on race day. So I tried two new things, racing with socks and without a Camelbak. I never was one to follow the norm. I decided to try racing in socks because I have been having problems with blisters, so thought that maybe this would be my solution. As for the Camelbak, I had forgotten it so I really had no choice. Ha.

(Lizz waving me into T2. All the way from Utah. AWESOME)

I got out on the bike and I felt AMAZING. So much better than I expected to feel. I walked the first major climb (as usual, to save my legs) and then hopped back on my bike. I tried to stay up with the men and the few women who had passed me on the climb. I keep my cadence high and my gearing low. I kept yelling out "on your left" and "out of the way" definitely not terms that I am used to saying, more like used to hearing. I pushed the bike pace feeling so good. Never in a bike race have I ridden with other racers for that long of time and what an exhilarating feeling it was. I got off the bike with pain as normal in the hips and back but a huge smile on my face. I don't know if I have ever come off the bike feeling that good. T2 was in and out.

Aly met me with Tre and Annie and they ran with me to the entrance of the run course. Seeing the excitment in their eyes getting to run with me was awesome. The plan was to walk the major climbs and sprint everything else. Like everything else in life, plans change and this race was no different. I was sprinting down a descent and stepped funny and tweeked my hip. From then on those 5 miles were rather painful. Whenever I would run, I would have shooting pain down the backside of my leg into my foot and my leg would buckle. Weirdest feeling to have only one leg give out. I was finally able to change my mechanics enough to the point where if I didn't land very hard of my right side it didn't hurt as bad. Whatver I had to do to get me through that finish line.

(Aly, Tre, Annie, and Will waiting for me at the finish-line)

I caught up to and passed three people. I felt so beat up towards the end but was once again met by my best friend and coach who ran me in to the shoot where I was greeted by my nephew who ran across the finish-line with me. It was an amazing experience to be able to share with so many friends and family. I came across the finish-line 5 minutes faster than the year before with a time of 3:41:34.

(Pretty sure this is when Aly told me I had Pr'd the course)

I shaved 14 minutes off my bike alone cutting is down from 2:17 the previous year to 2:03. Hello! I

can't wait to see what I can do when I am SUPER fit.

Driven By Anger

Anger is a great motivator. It can cause you to push yourself to limits you never thought possible. It can break you, it can even make you do things you never dreamed you'd bring yourself to do.

Anger for me is something that can be very positive when it comes to my training. I like to use it as fuel for my fire, to pump myself up that much more, or to push myself past prior limitations that other people had put upon me or that I have put upon myself. It causes me to swim harder, run faster, and to bike better.

So why am I talking about anger all of a sudden? Coming from the usually happy go-lucky kid. My last few weeks have been filled with anger, some caused by school, work, and some from training. I'm trying to use it as motivation to work harder. I have a new goal in mind for the upcoming season(s). One that I will not divulge because people have already told me it cannot be done.

Watch out world, because I'm a force to be reckoned with.

Ruston Race Recap

XTERRA Eureka Springs is only 2 weeks away. Am I ready? Probably not. Am I excited? Not really.

I say that not trying to sound negative or down, just speaking the truth, and the truth being that I am scared to death. Not at the race itself, because XT ES is one of the hardest XTERRAs on the circuit, but at the outcome.

I suppose I should update you on my last race and then you might realize why I'm a little hesitant to be excited over this one.

XTERRA Gator Terra (Ruston) is an awesome race, fantastic course, fun and fast. My training hadn't been going according to plan, my pre-ride sucked, and I wasn't feeling great going into race day. I tried to play it off like it was not a big deal and that a good night of sleep would be the cure-all to dead legs and a winded system. Boy was I wrong.

Ruston was the biggest debacle of my entire racing career. My swim was about the only good thing out of that day. 2nd female out of the water. I'm super happy with that, I was passing people left and right, got in and out of T1 fairly quickly, but as soon as I got on that bike my legs were toast. All I could do was to hang on for the rest of the race.

I got passed by countless people, started crying in the middle of the course, have never cursed the sport of triathlon more, and have never in my life been so close to quitting. There were so many times that I would stop and look out between the trees and realize that I could easily turn around right there. Thankfully I didn't because in my mind looking back, Ruston was a major learning experience.

I tried taking in Gu on the bike, which made me sick. By the time I made it back to T2 I was so far off my goal time it wasn't even worth looking at my watch anymore. As soon as I transitioned to the run I started cramping. Not just little cramps that work themselves out, full blown whole leg cramps. I walked most of the run, embarrassed and angry. I got passed and ultimately beat by a girl who had never ridden a MTB, didn't run, and couldn't swim more than 800m. I have never felt so deflated.

As I ran through the finish-line I was met with friends and congratulatory remarks, but I couldn't help but be thoroughly and utterly mad. I was 34 minutes slower than the previous year, which in my mind is pathetic. Now granted you can take into account a lot of factors here (school, injuries, training time, etc.) but to me they mean nothing. I should have gone out and performed the way that I know I am capable of performing.

So no I am not excited about racing in two weeks, but I will get over that. If it in turn will make me into a better racer in the long run, so be it.

On a happier note, last weekend I got go to the Kansas City 5i50 triathlon. Talk about fun! We must have had 25 people racing. What a great group to be apart of. Now if you are thinking that I am dabbling in road racing get your mind out of the gutter ha, I was only there as a cheerleader and support. I loved running around cheering for everyone and taking pictures. Getting up at 5 am is a little crazy but all in the name of sport. What a great day it was!