The Joy of Triumph

It's been two and a half years. Two and a half years filled with pain, tears, agony, triumph, and accomplishment. Two and a half years since I was given the news that I would never run again, never play again, or possibly never even walk again. Having an experimental surgery to fix my broken body was one of the scariest yet bravest decisions I think I have ever made. Its a decision that I am reminded of everyday, one that I am still coming to terms with. When I look in the mirror at the two 16 inch scars that cascade down my outer hips and thighs I am reminded of how far I have come and the battles that I have fought, some that I have lost and so many that I have won.

I experience the pain of this decision almost everyday. There are days that are pain free and there are other days when I question what I was thinking. Those are the hard days. The training days in which you want to push your body to go further but the pain and the agony is too much to handle. These are the days that mentally break me. I question if I can ever achieve an Ironman or Half Ironman status. When I can't even make it through a 50 mile ride without excruciating amounts of pain. These are the days that break me even more. I know I will have physical limitations. Limitations that I am trying to break. Every time that I make it through a hard training session on the bike or the run I am reminded of my feats. Reminded that I refused to take "NO" for an answer.

Going through this has taught me many things. It taught me how to stand up and fight. It taught me that there is more to life than soccer. It taught me to believe in myself and to never let anyone dictate what will become of me. It taught me than overcoming the impossible is very well attainable and most of all it taught me that I am stronger than what I once thought.

I have no idea why these thoughts weighed so heavily on my mind this morning. Maybe it was my 4:40 bike ride on Sunday that I struggled to make it through when I was hurting only 45 minutes it. Maybe its because I caught a glimpse of my scars in the mirror. Maybe its because when I put my hand on my hip I felt the curvature of my scars. Maybe its because that today I needed to remind myself that I am so much stronger than I feel right now.