It's finally here. The day that I have been dreading, yet so excited about for the last two months. A day that will be the true test to what I have been training for. I am nervous yet excited, anxious but ready. If you would have asked me last week even three days ago I was hesitant, nervous, and soft-spoken about how well I would do, heck if I would even survive. Something has come over me the last few days. A sense of reassurance about the fact that I am not only going to survive, but I am going to dominate in the process.
I have been shaken by my last few rides. With wrecks on a bike that didn't feel "right." That bike has been fixed and ridden (around that parking lot, but that should count) and it feels amazing. As I was riding around on it last night I couldn't help but feel inspired and motivated. I have to thank my best friend for that. It's weird what having a tuned-up bike can do.
I truly believe now that I am ready, ready to go out and dominate, ready to go out and do what I set out to do in the first place, and most importantly ready to punish my competition.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Soul Searching
I'm curious as to why I have so much to say on my bad days. I feel as if questions and thoughts flow from my mind endlessly and much time is given to these thoughts. I feel it is like my "soul searching." These are the days that I find myself, find out who I am. What I am made of and how far I can go. I'm having one of those days. I'm sitting alone in a hotel room (something about being by myself makes me think anyway) curled up in a ball, crying, wishing that this pain would go away. Pain that I have inflicted upon myself. From a day's ride where maybe I pushed too hard to get my workouts in. A day I should have backed off and let this one ride slip to the wayside. I want so badly to make my coaches proud and to prove to myself that I am the person that I know I can be.
Something as simple as tires sliding out. As I slammed into the trail I felt what was left on my bike riding mojo slip away. The ride today was my third bad ride in a row. 8 days before my biggest race and I can't get it together. I blame my bike not feeling right, a bad tune-up, re-adjusted brakes. But I think it's me also. Riding a little scared. Where did this come from? This is something that is entirely new and unfamiliar territory. I am the rider who has guts who isn't afraid of falling, crashing, or going face first over the handle-bars. Perhaps wreck after wreck after wreck is starting to wear me thin a little bit. Just the fact that I have yet to heal from the previous week's ride. Instead of one swollen skinned elbow I now have two, my right one I can barely move and my entire right thigh is swollen and bruised, it hurts to even lay in bed.
I feel like I'm losing my grip on the mountain bike, like somehow my skill is lessening with each ride. I have come back mad, upset, and mentally broken from my last rides. It's time to slow down. I have put so much on XTERRA Eureka Springs that I think I have lost sight of the bigger picture. I am going out to race because it is something that I absolutely love to do. I love the feeling of the wind on my face as I'm cutting in and out of the trees, the downhills, and as much as they suck I'll take those climbs because it means that I am out on my bike.
Maybe that's what I need, to let go. To let go of my bad rides. Let them out of my mind. Forget them, act as though they never even happened. So much easier said than done. It is something to focus on and work towards this next week as I go into my taper for XTERRA. This is a race that is going to take heart, guts, and will. You better believe I'll show up with all three and more on race day.
Something as simple as tires sliding out. As I slammed into the trail I felt what was left on my bike riding mojo slip away. The ride today was my third bad ride in a row. 8 days before my biggest race and I can't get it together. I blame my bike not feeling right, a bad tune-up, re-adjusted brakes. But I think it's me also. Riding a little scared. Where did this come from? This is something that is entirely new and unfamiliar territory. I am the rider who has guts who isn't afraid of falling, crashing, or going face first over the handle-bars. Perhaps wreck after wreck after wreck is starting to wear me thin a little bit. Just the fact that I have yet to heal from the previous week's ride. Instead of one swollen skinned elbow I now have two, my right one I can barely move and my entire right thigh is swollen and bruised, it hurts to even lay in bed.
I feel like I'm losing my grip on the mountain bike, like somehow my skill is lessening with each ride. I have come back mad, upset, and mentally broken from my last rides. It's time to slow down. I have put so much on XTERRA Eureka Springs that I think I have lost sight of the bigger picture. I am going out to race because it is something that I absolutely love to do. I love the feeling of the wind on my face as I'm cutting in and out of the trees, the downhills, and as much as they suck I'll take those climbs because it means that I am out on my bike.
Maybe that's what I need, to let go. To let go of my bad rides. Let them out of my mind. Forget them, act as though they never even happened. So much easier said than done. It is something to focus on and work towards this next week as I go into my taper for XTERRA. This is a race that is going to take heart, guts, and will. You better believe I'll show up with all three and more on race day.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Competitive Love
It is amazing how the arrangement of words can ignite a motivational fire within someone, a desire to achieve more than they ever thought possible just by the words that were spoken. Something was written to me in an email this weekend that hit me, quite literally like a ton of bricks.
"You can either continue to live and accept that your greatest accomplishment is overcoming what the doctors said you couldn't or you can be truly great and never stop accomplishing."
I have read, reread, and reread that statement over and over again. He is right. For me just overcoming was always good enough but not anymore. I want more. I want my pro-card. I want to be a machine in the water, on the mountain bike, on the run. I have proven to myself time and time again that I am more than capable of accomplishing anything that I set out to achieve. You better believe it because my will to win and compete cannot be matched. I got told this weekend that I was "vicious" almost with a take no prisoners attitude. That is that attitude that I always had going into soccer games and I think it is quite fitting for triathlon as well.
It is going to be a lot of hard work. A lot of sweat, pain, blood, and I'm sure profanities along the way but that fire has been ignited and I am more than excited to get to work.
"You can either continue to live and accept that your greatest accomplishment is overcoming what the doctors said you couldn't or you can be truly great and never stop accomplishing."
I have read, reread, and reread that statement over and over again. He is right. For me just overcoming was always good enough but not anymore. I want more. I want my pro-card. I want to be a machine in the water, on the mountain bike, on the run. I have proven to myself time and time again that I am more than capable of accomplishing anything that I set out to achieve. You better believe it because my will to win and compete cannot be matched. I got told this weekend that I was "vicious" almost with a take no prisoners attitude. That is that attitude that I always had going into soccer games and I think it is quite fitting for triathlon as well.
It is going to be a lot of hard work. A lot of sweat, pain, blood, and I'm sure profanities along the way but that fire has been ignited and I am more than excited to get to work.
Monday, May 16, 2011
A GT Weekend
This past weekend was one that will always be remembered. It was a weekend that was full of firsts and full of lasts.
It was the last time that I will every step foot on my college campus or hang out with my same crowd again. The last time I will see my professors, eat in the caf (I'm not too sad about that one), or live in the dorms. Graduation was amazing. Much more fun and funny than I thought it would be. It was full of laughter, excitement, and nervous jitters. I'm glad in the end that I decided not to skip it. The proud look upon my mom's face was all the solitification I needed to know that I had made the right choice in deciding to walk.
This was a weekend of firsts, my first triathlon in fact. As soon as Kevin and I left for Louisiana the nerves hit me. The butterflies grew and I felt like I was going to be sick. Only 18 hours until race time. I needed to chill out, relax and calm down if I wanted to be ready to go come race time. Pre-riding helped a bunch in calming the nerves, that is until my chain snapped. I'm pretty sure the entire park heard me scream out as the resistance on my bike went from full to absolutely nothing. "Oh crap." Was the only thing that went through my mind. As I made the "walk of shame" back to the car, chain in hand and a frown upon my face, I tried to not think about the race that was yet to come. Thank goodness Kevin's son, Will who is a bike mechanic was there and he was able to save my bike! And might I add, my bike performed beautifully on race day!
Race morning. Finally this day had come. I was so stoked I could barely hold it all in. We got to the park early to set up transition and get numbered. Thank goodness Kevin was there to help me set up my transition area because I forgot my running shoes, my race number, my gloves, and my GUs. Ha that would have been a long day without those things.
I tried not to look around, not to look at the women or the bikes that I was getting ready to compete against. There's not point in psyching your self up for nothing. So I kept my head down, warmed-up in the water, and made it my mission to podium at this race and to be someone that they never saw coming.
This race couldn't have gone better! My swim was dead on. I started near the front, passed all kinds of people, got punched in the mouth in the process but that's part of the fun, right? Came out of the water at 14:38, ahead of Kevin (haha I told him I would never let him live that down). Ran to transition and nearly fell over. I must have been a riot to watch stumbling trying to get my shoes on. 3 mins later and I was off on the bike. The course was amazing! Tight and twisty. Not a lot of rocks or climbing. Some sick drops and straight downhills. Love it! Of course I crashed once. Couldn't complete a race without doing that! Completed the bike in 1:08, 2 min in T2 then out to the run. Some climbing on the run but it was a great run course. The 3.5 miles went by rather quick! 35 mins on the run for a total time of 2:01:52. I beat my goal time by 29 mins. I was over the moon. Oh and might I add I did cross the finish line with a heel click.
I beat the girl I set out to beat. I won my division and came in 4th overall. Not a bad way to start off the triathlon career if you ask me! Overall this was a freakin' awesome GT weekend!
It was the last time that I will every step foot on my college campus or hang out with my same crowd again. The last time I will see my professors, eat in the caf (I'm not too sad about that one), or live in the dorms. Graduation was amazing. Much more fun and funny than I thought it would be. It was full of laughter, excitement, and nervous jitters. I'm glad in the end that I decided not to skip it. The proud look upon my mom's face was all the solitification I needed to know that I had made the right choice in deciding to walk.
This was a weekend of firsts, my first triathlon in fact. As soon as Kevin and I left for Louisiana the nerves hit me. The butterflies grew and I felt like I was going to be sick. Only 18 hours until race time. I needed to chill out, relax and calm down if I wanted to be ready to go come race time. Pre-riding helped a bunch in calming the nerves, that is until my chain snapped. I'm pretty sure the entire park heard me scream out as the resistance on my bike went from full to absolutely nothing. "Oh crap." Was the only thing that went through my mind. As I made the "walk of shame" back to the car, chain in hand and a frown upon my face, I tried to not think about the race that was yet to come. Thank goodness Kevin's son, Will who is a bike mechanic was there and he was able to save my bike! And might I add, my bike performed beautifully on race day!
Race morning. Finally this day had come. I was so stoked I could barely hold it all in. We got to the park early to set up transition and get numbered. Thank goodness Kevin was there to help me set up my transition area because I forgot my running shoes, my race number, my gloves, and my GUs. Ha that would have been a long day without those things.
I tried not to look around, not to look at the women or the bikes that I was getting ready to compete against. There's not point in psyching your self up for nothing. So I kept my head down, warmed-up in the water, and made it my mission to podium at this race and to be someone that they never saw coming.
This race couldn't have gone better! My swim was dead on. I started near the front, passed all kinds of people, got punched in the mouth in the process but that's part of the fun, right? Came out of the water at 14:38, ahead of Kevin (haha I told him I would never let him live that down). Ran to transition and nearly fell over. I must have been a riot to watch stumbling trying to get my shoes on. 3 mins later and I was off on the bike. The course was amazing! Tight and twisty. Not a lot of rocks or climbing. Some sick drops and straight downhills. Love it! Of course I crashed once. Couldn't complete a race without doing that! Completed the bike in 1:08, 2 min in T2 then out to the run. Some climbing on the run but it was a great run course. The 3.5 miles went by rather quick! 35 mins on the run for a total time of 2:01:52. I beat my goal time by 29 mins. I was over the moon. Oh and might I add I did cross the finish line with a heel click.
I beat the girl I set out to beat. I won my division and came in 4th overall. Not a bad way to start off the triathlon career if you ask me! Overall this was a freakin' awesome GT weekend!
Friday, May 13, 2011
One Of "Those" Days
It seems that my first post got deleted so I will start over.
There the days that every athelte dreads of having. But every single one of them will encounter. The doubtful, tired, run-down, almost feeling run-over days. Today that was my day. I am usually the Energizer Bunny on crack (sota speak). A kid, that's really what I feel I am, that has too much energy and so many words to tell the world. Yesterday and most of today I am a down, mopy, and exhausted zombie. This is not what was called for in my training plan 2 days away from my first race. Graduation is tomorrow and I couldn't care less to be honest.
I got up this morning hoping to escape my house without having to make much conversation with anyone on the way out...and I was successful. I had so hoped that my swim would help slap a smile on my face. Usually exercising only gives me more energy but today was unsuccessful. The warm-up was off and the first set was brutally painful. I hit a wall physically, emotionally, mentally. I just sat at the end of the pool crying before I decided that today I could just not keep going. "What is going on with me? I am so much stronger than this." These thoughts flowed through my mind as I drove home and tried my hardest to put on a smile and pretend to look happy. My little brother and his girlfriend had a gradution breakfast for me. Only when that was over was I able to escape to the quietness of my room and release the rest of my pent of frustration with myself.
I suppose we have these days for a reason. To test us. So that we can see how much we are made of and whether or not we are willing to fight for it. My really good friend once told me "We all have our demons, it's whether or not we fight them that's makes the difference." Thanks Curry. Those words of wisdom are helping me right about now.
There the days that every athelte dreads of having. But every single one of them will encounter. The doubtful, tired, run-down, almost feeling run-over days. Today that was my day. I am usually the Energizer Bunny on crack (sota speak). A kid, that's really what I feel I am, that has too much energy and so many words to tell the world. Yesterday and most of today I am a down, mopy, and exhausted zombie. This is not what was called for in my training plan 2 days away from my first race. Graduation is tomorrow and I couldn't care less to be honest.
I got up this morning hoping to escape my house without having to make much conversation with anyone on the way out...and I was successful. I had so hoped that my swim would help slap a smile on my face. Usually exercising only gives me more energy but today was unsuccessful. The warm-up was off and the first set was brutally painful. I hit a wall physically, emotionally, mentally. I just sat at the end of the pool crying before I decided that today I could just not keep going. "What is going on with me? I am so much stronger than this." These thoughts flowed through my mind as I drove home and tried my hardest to put on a smile and pretend to look happy. My little brother and his girlfriend had a gradution breakfast for me. Only when that was over was I able to escape to the quietness of my room and release the rest of my pent of frustration with myself.
I suppose we have these days for a reason. To test us. So that we can see how much we are made of and whether or not we are willing to fight for it. My really good friend once told me "We all have our demons, it's whether or not we fight them that's makes the difference." Thanks Curry. Those words of wisdom are helping me right about now.
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