The off-season is a time to let loose. To lighten up on training, to take time to mentally and physically decompress from a rather taxing racing season. It is a time that many of us look forward to, we can be less strict with the diet, training regimen, and the nights of sleep suddenly get longer. We can work on getting stronger on the bike, faster on the run, and smoother technique in the water. It's a time to work on execution of a game plan. A plan to destroy the competition. For others it's a time to analyze and think about the past season and its races. Are there things that can be changed? New equipment? New race plan? It is a time that should be used for rejuvenation and thought.
I've had a lot of time to think over the last 7 weeks and I'm uncertain as to what the future has instore for me, as far as a racing career. I would love to say that I am jumping out of my seat with excitment to get back to training, but in fact I am not. If anything at this moment I am dreading it. With nights still filled with restlessness and no sleep I have no energy to get myself through a training session, much less get myself through the normal tasks of a daily routine.
A mere jog leaves me exhausted for days and I seem to have an inability to sleep.This is something that is not normal, but has become a reality in my world. As much as I love to race and be on my bike, I have to ask myself "is it worth it, if it makes me feel this bad?" I think about the damage that I have done to my body over the years from playing soccer and then triathlon. I have given everything that I have left to give to this sport. Maybe there just isn't anything left for me to give anymore. I cry at the thought of surrending something so precious to me, but at this point I feel so lost. Maybe it's best if I just leave the bikes hung up, at least for awhile longer? Or maybe think about it some more? Or is this that post race/season disappointment that everyone talks about? I have no clue what to do about all the rush of emotions that I am feeling.
Jess, I completely understand these emotions. After Branson, I didn’t want to do anything! I had the same questions and went thru an awful lil’ funk, BUT then this blonde, crazy, Xterra athlete gave me some encouraging words that helped me get back on my bike--and I’m SO thankful!
ReplyDeleteWith what you’ve been through with all your races, wrecks, and getting sick, it’s no wonder that you are feeling rushed with all these emotions. Add the insomnia into the mix and things get really messy! Girl, it’s been a heckuva journey for you! BUT I know that you WILL get back on your bikes. Uh-huh! You WILL fall in love with training again (and GPP...what!?!? what!?!!?), but right now your body AND mind both need a break...AND LOTS OF SLEEP! If you are crying at the thought of not racing and training, ummmmmm, you WILL get back in the game. Things will align in time, chica. Remember - God’s got ya. And ya never know the miracle he’s got coming your way. :)
Okay, I’m done writing my novel now... haha